Where have I been?

You might be wondering where I have been. I thinking I am asking myself that same question. I have been listening for my path on this earth. I feel like the Israelites at the base of the Red Sea after leaving Egypt. I am at the end of one journey and beginning another. I have made it into the wilderness and now I am scared, hungry, thirsty, and lost. Yet, I would like to think that I might not grumble with God as much as Israel did and live my way in hope of this new path.....but, there is no guarantee of less grumbling....just my full self, just an authentic self and journey with my Creator.

I have spent the last ten years pastoring churches, studying and writing about theology, and trying to live out what I think I believe. I have stopped pastoring for so many reasons, perhaps too many to blog about and yet many that have not been revealed to me. This is my first Sunday in 10 years that I have not had obligations of leading worship or preaching (minus vacations of course). I promised myself that I would take two weeks or more if necessary to just relax and recover before jumping out into any church for worship. As I write on this day, I sit watching my two year old play as I read Annie Dillard's "Pilgrim at Tinker Creek." I think perhaps this book is fitting for my journey, as I am in search of the path God desires for me. I have many wishes and dreams, but none that will pay off my student loans, mortgage, and a car payment. But, they are still my dreams and I will do all I can to find my way into those things and pray God's guidance on the path.

So, where have I been? I have been preaching. I have been wrestling with vocation. I have been arguing with the criminal justice system who would not let me see a friend. I have been writing. I have been moving into a new home and neighborhood. I have been reconnecting with old and life long friends. The truth is, I think where I have been is not nearly as important as where I am going. So, where am I going? Not sure. There are no maps for the road unknown and God never disclosed to Abraham or Moses where their path would lead. So, here is one foot in front of the other, eyes wide open, and ears ready to hear the words, "Welcome Home." One day soon.